A Normal Meeting, Really
by tojojo
Summary: The nations are having another meeting (of course) and things are going as it normally would. Kind off. / Crack and bad humour ensues, there may be some couples in the future. Rated T because I'm paranoid.
1. Chapter 1: Oh, how funny?

"Okay dudes! Let's start this totally unnecessary meeting about Europe that I really don't need to be at, because _really_, I'm U.S. Awesome!"  
>Hungary glared at America who was leading the meeting for some reason. "<em>Excuse me!? <em>But who are you calling a dude? Right should be right!"  
>The other women in the room nodded (at the exact same time!), while Prussia leaned down and whispered in Austria's ear: "Wasn't she a transvestite a couple hundred years ago?"<br>"Okay, okay! Dude_ttes_." America countered and smashed his cup of coffee that had come from nowhere on the table.  
>Surprisingly it didn't break.<br>"Is dudettes even a word?" Spain whispered (but of course everyone heard anyway) to the one sitting next to him, Prussia.  
>"Well, according to my awesome English, it isn't. But at the same time, how should I know? My english is so bad I can't even say <em>ja <em>and _nein_ correctly!"  
>"Do you mean <em>sí <em>and _no_?"  
>"<em>Ja!<em>"  
>"As a matter of fact, even though I've been able to speak English for <em>a really long time<em>, I can't say _oui _and _non_ either." France pondered on this newly discovered fact. "And sometimes I can't say _merci_ too!"  
>"Yeah, same here!"<br>"WAIT! STOP! SOMETHING'S NOT RIGHT HERE!" America screamed and everyone immediately covered their ears.  
>"America! I told you not to use the megaphone at the meetings anymore! It's not the Cold War anymore, eh!" Canada shouted and was ignored, but somehow America go the message and put the big thing back in his enormous jacket pocket.<br>"Back to business. If we're talkin' about grammar…  
>"But we aren't talking about grammar…"<br>"Whatever! If we're talking about _English _in general, shouldn't it be someone here that knows best?"  
>Everyone took a minute to think about America's words, until a little animated lightbulb hovered above Estonia's head. "Where is England!?"<br>Right then, the double doors opened with a bang, and England riding on a unicorn (not a real one, it's a horse with a fake horn) followed by pink teletubbies, British flags and Harry Potter-nerds came marching in while singing a mix of _God save the queen_ and _London bridge is falling down. _  
>"E-England? But what the…"<br>"CULTURAL ENLIGHTENMENT!" England shouted, obviously drunk, and waved his hands.  
>By letting go the glimmering pink reins England slide off the white horse, right in America's lap.<br>Conveniently.  
>Germany was strangely calm and leaned back against his chair. "So it's England's turn at 'Cultural Enlightenment Program That Our Bosses Forced Us To Do'?"<br>"We really need to get better at naming things." Kugelmugel said to herself. "Like _Kugelmugel_, really!?"  
>"I thought it was Poland's turn this time?" Lithuania said and turned to Poland.<br>"Like, no it isn't! I'm after Switzerland, who's after Portugal, who's after England!"  
>"Does anyone have the damn list with the order of the 'Cultural Enlightenment <em>blablablabla<em> Project…"  
>"Program!"<br>"Whatever. So that we can sort this out?" America said in a sudden strike of seriousness, England now sitting proper and gentlemanly at his side, flags and the unicorn gone.  
>Sadly, no one had the list, and everyone had to trust Poland.<p>

"We're all going to die!" Latvia started to cry (again) and several nations banged their heads at the table in frustration.


	2. Chapter 2: Don't be naughty!

"Guys, like, _please_," Poland said and twined a strand of blond hair with his fingers, "Take it easy."

Hungary smashed her hands on the table in frustration. "For the last time, there are women at this meeting as well!"  
>"Whatever." A chorus of nations said at the same time, and Lithuania turned to Poland again.<p>

"Speaking of nothing, why are you interrupting your sentences with 'like' all the time?"

"Uhhh, I don't, like, know really…," Poland said hesitantly, "Maybe I, like, like liking things?"  
>"You like liking things?" Lithuania said slowly, trying to figure it all out.<p>

"Like liking like likes…" Poland stuttered, and then had a short circuit for a while.

China sighed, maybe for the tenth billion zillion trillion time that meeting, Europeans were so stupid! But at the same time, why did he hang around them so much if he hated them? Hmph, maybe they _weren't _that bad? Maybe he just convinced himself that…

"Hey, China! How did you get here? Did you use a Subaru!?" America laughed obnoxiously.

…..Forget it, he hated them all. Forever.

At the same time Prussia had gone silent, and was staring at the nations with a calculating eye, before deciding to open his usually boasting mouth. "How many nations are we supposed to be at this meeting?"

Everyone stared at him before starting to count the heads sitting around the big table.  
>"Again with the table. Shouldn't they describe something else in the room soon?" Norway muttered.<p>

"We're 35!"

"Sealand doesn't count." England said firmly.  
>"Screw you, Jerk England!"<p>

"That means were 34." Switzerland concluded and then went back to polishing his gun. (How he got it inside the building no one knew, as all kind of weapons was banned from the meetings since Russia and America almost cut the other's 'vital regions' of. And BELIEVE THEM, it hadn't been a fun experience for England and Lithuania to tend to the nations injuries afterwards. Even though Belarus had volunteered for tending Russia. *Shudder*)

"But my boss mentioned that we would be 36, including Sealand!" China protested and tried to ignore the _scary Russian that tried to grope him __**again**__! _

"Why do we call our presidents 'boss' all the time? It's not like we are in the mafia." America said.

"Speak for yourself, stupid Americano." Romano muttered but became very interested in the tomato he was holding in his hand when America looked at him with confusion in his eyes.

How had that tomato even got there? Spain? But no, Spain had been banned from bringing tomatoes to the meetings after he'd proved to everyone that _of course you could get high on tomatoes!_ God, that meeting had been weird.

"Stop changing the subject, America! And by the way, not all nations have presidents!" England complained but then turned to his strange serious-mode again.

"Back to the question. My _boss_," this said with a meaning glance towards America, "also said that we would be 35, not including Sealand." The last part he snorted out.

"Screw you again, Jerk England!" Sealand cried and shook his little fists.

"Then who are we missing?" Austria decided to cut the small talk for once in his life and asked the question that's been _dying _to be told for around 25 sentences ago.

Everyone shrugged their shoulders and started counting again, with big question marks floating above their heads to really _show _how confused they were.

"Has the author even seen the show?" Canada wondered and consulted with his bear Kumaji-something.

"Probably not." Kumajiro answered back to Cana-something.

"I mean, I already appeared in the first chapter, so it would be _wrong_ to do the whole 'who's-that' scene _now_," Canada said while hugging the polar bear closer, practically strangling him with his hockey-strenght, "and _why _is almostso many words in _cursive_!?"

"And, really, I'm the second largest country on the planet! How is it _possible _to ignore me!?" Canada continued to rant, but the rest of the nations didn't hear (of course) which made Canada's words fall to dead ears. (Literally dead ears, as Kumajiro had stopped breathing around '_cursive!?'_ by Canada's strong grip.)

"And what's with _Prussia_ wondering how many we should be at the meeting!? If they're trying to pair me with him again I swear…."

At the same time, another blonde stared at the angry Canadian and his (dead) bear.

"Talk about being cruel against animals…" America muttered.  
>What? Did you think he couldn't see his own brother (not mentioning that all countries were practically related because here incest was <em>totally <em>NORMAL)? He could, actually, but seeing that no one else saw him, America pretended not to see as well. Because if it was something the United States of America was afraid of, it was being an _outsider_.

But, America stared at the dead bear and grinned maliciously, _that_ meat could definitely taste good with some deep frying….

"Stop, stop, stop! There's going on some deep shit 'out-of-character' moment over there!" Sealand shouted furiously and pointed at America (and Canada), "I mean, 'hockey-strenght', dead bears and America going into deep-frying-mode!? What the hell?"

"Now it's _you _that's going out of character. When we're talking about naughty words, you're only supposed to know and use 'screw you' and 'jerk'." Finland scolded warmly, but at the same time waving threatening with the naughty-list in front of Sealand's face.


End file.
